Bend or Break? What a Chocolate Chip Cookie Taught Me About People
Before I buy a chocolate chip cookie, it has to pass the test. Will it bend or will it break? I like mine soft in the middle with a whisper of crunch at the edge, the kind that folds in your hand instead of shattering into crumbs across your lap. When I actually had to ask the bakery clerk that question out loud because they were placed behind the case, she just looked at me.
I had to reflect on it and ask myself the same question.
When life presses on you, do you bend or do you break?
Most of us do not snap at the first thing. We bend through one inconvenience, then another, then another, until we hear ourselves say, "If one more thing happens..." That phrase is a confession. It means we have already been bending for a while. And some of us, if we are honest, skip the bending altogether. A certain tone, a late reply, the sound of someone sliding their feet, and we crash out before we even know what happened.
Here is what I have learned: conflict prevention will always be superior to conflict resolution, and prevention often begins with a pause. A pause gives you time to think, and it gives the other person room to reconsider.
I watched this play out on a phone call not long ago. The man on the line was short with me from the start, treating me like the hundred callers before me. I could feel my own temperature rising. Instead of matching his edge, I thanked him, told him I truly wanted to understand, and kept inviting him into my shoes while I stepped into his. Little by little, he softened. He started out brittle, and grace made him pliable.
It made me wonder, why not start there?
That question belongs everywhere. It belongs in the way a manager speaks to a team and the way coworkers speak to each other. It belongs at the dinner table with your family. You cannot talk to people any kind of way and expect them to meet your needs and you cannot know how someone wants to be treated until you slow down long enough to truly communicate.
Think about the last time you snapped. Was it called for? What might have changed if you had paused for a moment?
This week, I am choosing to be more bendable. I hope you will too. If you want a gentle way to practice conversations that soften people instead of shattering them, open the free Questions and Perspectives app at qandpcards.com and play a card today with someone you love, lead, or work beside.
To listen to the full episode, tune in to the KimUnity Soulutions Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube.
Truly,
Kim the SME
