Everyone Asks Why the Great Ones Leave. Nobody Asks Why the Settled Stay.

When a great employee walks out the door, everyone notices. Meetings get called, exit interviews get scheduled, and suddenly the whole team is being asked what went wrong. While I understand the urgency, I believe we're focusing on the wrong door. Leaving makes noise. Staying is quiet, and sometimes the quiet is exactly where the real pain resides.

I once trained someone for a position I had applied for and didn’t get. I gave her and taught her what I knew, because holding back is not who I am. She was talented and logical, and within about a year she was gone. Nobody pushed her out. She simply observed. She saw who was accommodated, who was carried, and whose voice was ignored, and she quietly concluded that if it is happening to those around her, it could happen to her, as well, and chose to leave. What I always say is that communication is not only what we say, it's what we allow, what we avoid, and what we delay.

So, why do the settled stay? Often because staying is safe. Their workload gets spread across the team. No one asks more of them, so the extra assignment always lands on the dependable one. Some have learned to ride the waves. Some enjoy a little favor. Others have been around so long that “that’s just how he is” became the standard everyone else inherits, and honestly, leaving takes effort...like the applications, interviews, a few no’s, starting over, where staying requires nothing.

Every time we tolerate it, it costs us. Time, trust, talent, and eventually reputation. Our great people are rarely tired of the work. They are tired of carrying everyone else’s work, of being held to a standard someone else is excused from, of speaking up and not being heard.

If you lead people, I invite you to stop waiting for the exit interview and start having stay conversations now. What has your team already pointed out? What have you avoided addressing? Where did you have a hand in it?

This doesn't just apply to the office, because the same rule follows us home. Where are you staying simply because moving takes work? A relationship, a friendship, a church, a routine, an old version of yourself? Comfort isn't purpose.  Where are you settling?

I want us to choose growth. Not because leaving is always the answer, but because choosing on purpose always is.

If you can relate or know someone who can, share this message.  This is the only way we can bring awareness and make real change.  Reflection...we have to see ourselves and make the necessary corrections.