Stop Knocking on Doors You Don’t Want Opened

Stop Knocking on Doors You Don’t Want Opened

Why do we keep knocking on doors then get upset when they answer?  Has this ever happened to you?

Sometimes, we can find ourselves acting out of habit.  Whether it's picking up the phone or knocking on a friend's door to share our story or dilemma and end up being disappointed in the outcome. Why do we keep putting ourselves in that position?  

In this latest podcast episode, I discussed that it's because: we are looking for ourselves in others! 

This isn’t a callout, it’s a call inward. I’ve had to ask myself the same thing. I’m a problem solver by nature. If you come to me with an issue, I’m already asking the right questions to help you get to the root. Not to criticize you. Not to judge you, but to guide you through it.

As a result, here’s what happens: when people aren’t ready for real reflection, they get upset, defensive, frustrated, and suddenly, the person trying to help becomes the target.

If this has happened to you, you’re not alone. If you’re the one doing the knocking, it’s time to pause and reflect.

We all have people in our lives who serve different roles.
Some will give you the truth.
Some will listen and hold space.
Some will agree with you no matter what.
But the problem comes when we confuse their roles and then get mad at the outcome.

If you don’t want advice, don’t ask a fixer.
If you just want to vent, say so.
If you want the truth, make sure you're in the right headspace to receive it.

We all have emotional moments. We all want to be seen and heard, but it’s important to know what you’re looking for and who you’re asking, because the truth might come wrapped in love, but it can still sting if you’re not ready for it.

I’ve been on both sides. I’ve asked questions and received dry, surface level responses. I’ve knocked on doors that gave me insight, but I didn’t want to open it at that time. That’s part of growth.

At some point, we have to stop confusing our support systems. Stop blaming others for being who they’ve always been and stop seeking advice we aren’t emotionally prepared to receive.

If all we surround ourselves with are yes-men, we’ll never grow.
If all you we is agreement, we’ll stay stuck.
And, if we only knock on convenient doors, we’ll keep walking in circles.

So here’s your reminder: Knock with Intention.
Know what you need before you go looking for it.
Respect the voices in your life who tell you the truth, even when it’s hard.
And, protect your own peace by being clear about what you’re ready to receive.

If this message spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it too. And the next time you knock, make sure it’s a door you're truly ready to walk through.

🎧 Want more real talk like this? Catch the full episode of the KimUnity Soulutions Podcast wherever you stream.

When you're ready to really get to know someone, check out our Questions and Perspectives conversation cards here. 

To receive a Free Preview of the Questions and Perspectives conversation cards, click here.

There's so much more for us to learn about each other.  

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