When Your Gift Becomes a Weapon

When was the last time you actually complimented someone on their gift? Not just acknowledging it or viewing it from a distance, but actually saying, "I appreciate this about you." There is a profound difference between observing a talent and acknowledging it. Often, the people with the greatest gifts find them so natural that they do not even realize they are special. It is simply an everyday function to them. Someone else sees that spark in you that you might have missed and that is often why they feel so connected to you.

A gift is fundamentally neutral. It is just a tool. The outcome depends entirely on whose hands are holding it. We see this play out in the most unexpected ways. Consider a salesperson who is excellent at their craft. They have the charisma and the drive. However, if they are promising something invalid or non-existent, they are misusing that gift on the back end. They are using a powerful tool to create a deficit rather than value.

We see this in our personal lives as well. I remember a friend who lived with her mother after college. The mother used her title to pull her daughter back whenever it was time for her to elevate or move out. She used the strings of relationship and authority to sway her from taking the next step. It is a gift to be a mother and a gift to have a child who cares, yet those titles can be misused for power. 

Confidence is another gift that can be turned into a weapon. Some people use their confidence to silence others in the workplace. They use their presence to control the room and prevent others from being heard. No one can really silence you unless you allow it, yet the misuse of confidence often creates a culture of fear rather than innovation.

I have had to look at my own life and ask where I might be guilty of this. I am very good at reading people. I can often predict a response or see what someone needs before they ask. Sometimes I find myself withholding that insight because I want the other person to be straightforward with me. I have had to realize that even a gift of intuition can be misused if it is used to test someone rather than to help them.

I experienced this recently while dining with a friend. Our server was very friendly, yet he repeatedly put his hands on our shoulders. I could tell he meant it with love and was simply being friendly based on his cultural background. However, it was unprofessional and ignored our personal space. I did not have to yell or report him. I simply made it known that I did not like it and asked him to stop. By understanding that he was doing it to show comfort and friendliness, I could extend grace while still maintaining my boundary.

Carl Jung said, "Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They can be a door opening for someone or a door closing." My challenge for you today is to identify the gifts in the people around you. Remind them of what they are great at. Acknowledge what you value in them. That small acknowledgment can be the spark they need to take their next step.

Rekindle your own gift. Appreciate it and use it for good. Be the asset in the room.

Tune in to the full episode on Spotify or  Apple Podcasts. If this message resonated with you, 

Until next time, Be the Soulution.

Kim the SME